


Coping Mechanisms

by dt8b0t



Category: Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Agatha hardly appears and also I love her, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Carry On Big Bang, Crack, M/M, Mystery, Simon POV, Simon and Baz are cannonically obssessive assholes over each other, happens in sixth year before the actual plot, or at least an attempt at it bc it's not actually surprising sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dt8b0t/pseuds/dt8b0t
Summary: Baz attempts to move on, and is overdoing it so terribly that he goes full circle and only makes his condition worse. But when you're Simon Snow, all you can do is look at the consequences and try to piece together what's going on. Written for the Carry On Big Bang.





	Coping Mechanisms

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Take On Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731248) by [BasicBathsheba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BasicBathsheba/pseuds/BasicBathsheba). 



> Occurs in sixth year, so don't expect an actual plot.  
> This project has been a lot of fun, and my partner has been lovely. I hope you laugh as much as I did.  
> Art for this by the lovely cedar-and-bergamont Tumblr user:   
> https://carry-on-big-bang.tumblr.com/post/182786410223/coping-mechanisms-author-ausersblog-art

Usually, avoiding thoughts isn't an issue for Simon. He has trained himself over the years in the art of not thinking, with anything from barging into battle without a moment's reconsideration, to entire summers in which he didn't think about Watford from fear of driving himself crazy with longing.

But these feats were done by being ready to shut down his mind. When he has no reason to worry and just lets his thoughts run, he is defenceless to block the ones he doesn't know how to deal with.

So one Friday evening, when he's just eating chocolate at his desk and minding his own business, he can't help but be shocked by the sight of Baz walking out of the bathroom in jeans. Wearing jeans like a normal person, who would've thought? No, not a normal person- more of a normal model, by the way those pants fit him. He bends over to pick up his bag, and Simon only notices he’d dropped his aero bar because he hears it hitting the table. Baz turns to him.

“You’re-you're wearing jeans.”

“And you're acting like your chocolate just sprouted legs. Even for somebody as incapable as you, being unable to hold inanimate objects is a new record.”

Simon growls.

Basilton leaves.

Asshole. Simon wants to spank him on that ass of his, that should teach him a lesson. Wait, did he just-

He promptly begins choking on his chocolate. He coughs out chocolate into the sink, along with his previously good mood. Heaving above the sink at the end of the process, he considers that maybe, just maybe, he is physically attracted to Baz.

No no no nono no, no. He is not attracted to him, he only wants Agatha, and even if he wanted other people, they would all be women, and even if he liked men, he wouldn't have liked Baz. But after what went through his mind today, that starts sounding a lot like lying to himself. (Hell, even saying it's just “a lot like” lying to himself is lying to himself in its own right. How many of his thoughts about Baz have been little lies like these ones?)

There is no need to think about this anymore. He’ll push it to the back of his mind and move on, never to reconsider his feelings or his sexuality again. Or, well, not until Baz comes back, anyway, at which point Simon will be drooling all over his denim-clad arse all over again.

The Worst Chosen One Who's Ever Been Chosen buries his stupid face in his hands and grunts in frustration. Good, now he's even quoting Baz. Why isn't he quoting Penny? What would Penny say, if she was here right now?

_ “Si, you can't solve your problems with the same thinking you used to create them.”  _ Does quoting Pennelope quoting Einstein count as quoting Pennelope? Hopefully not, because that would mean he  _ has  _ to think about this, since lying to himself about two of the most constant people in his life is what brought him here, shaking above his sink.

He turns the faucet on, washing the sink and his face. He takes a deep breath. He wipes his face. He sees the chocolate he’d dropped on the table back when Baz first walked past him, and eats it. (Disgusting, he’d just sorta puked this garbage, yada yada. It's good chocolate.)

Whatever he's feeling for Baz can be thought through some other time. First, he should be dealing with Agatha. The girlfriend who’s obvious feelings for another man he has been ignoring for months now, the girl who he used to want as his endgame, and the girl he hasn't quite wanted as his present game for a while. It's been a long time since he’d last looked at Agatha's thighs the way he looks at Baz's during a football game. (Simon cannot be blamed for that. He doesn't even need to be crushing on Baz to be fascinated by his thighs- he just needs to be a normal person who has seen them.) (Though, he guesses some people out there wouldn't. Like extremely lesbian lesbians and extremely straight straight-guys. The rest surely have exceptions, first and foremost of which is a Tyrannus Basilton Grimm too-many-names Pitch. Yeah, Simon isn't into his evil roommate, his roommate is just too hot.)

Agatha shouldn't be an afterthought. It's unfair to her to keep her when he doesn't want her. And though he isn't thrilled to give up the certain, golden future he’d imagined, deep down he knew their relationship wasn't working, just pushed it to the back of his head in his desperation for a happy ending. For the good of both of them, he'll have to find a different one.

 

So he has asked a girl walking in to call for her, and is outside her dorms that same night, waiting. And here she comes, beautiful, and elegant, and golden, and slightly irritated to see him. She opens her mouth to speak to him, so he starts talking, before he could regret it and jumble his words.

“I wanna break up. F-for good.”

Her cold blue eyes widen in surprise.

“But s-stay friends! Let's, let's stay-”

Her face lights up completely, and she pounces him with a hug. “Crowley, Simon, I felt so bad! I'm so happy you feel the same way!” Is he really that bad a boyfriend? Nevermind. He’s a good friend.

“Happy you're happy. Keep eating with us.”

“Of course I’m still sitting with you guys at meals. This will be a non-awkward breakup, I promise.” She's still smiling when they break away from the hug. She looks... light. Freed.

“And, well, s’not your fault you like Baz. He’s evil and all, but like, sexy evil, not gonna lie.”

The silence is deafening.

“Um, Simon?”

“I, it's, uh, s-see ya!”

Simon ran all the way back to his dorm.

 

About a week passes, and Baz is looking fancy again. Maybe Agatha is going to date him.  _ She's free to do whatever she wants. Baz is free, too, I guess.  _ But then an image of Baz kissing Agatha pops into his mind, and his blood boiles. If it were anybody else,  _ fine _ . But Baz? No way he's letting that happen. He's her friend, he has to protect her from people like him.

So he stands in front of the door when Baz goes to leave. “You meeting Agatha?”

“Shouldn't you know? Oh, wait, you’re just her ex now. Guess you have no business to know, do you?”

“Don’t hurt her.”

“Oh, what a scary watchdog she has. I am absolutely terrified. How about you get out of my fucking way, now that you've made your point?” Asshole.

If anything, Baz was getting angry. Like he doesn't want to be: like the anger is forcing its way through his suave demeanor. Good. “I’m watching you. Won’t let you hurt her.”

A few breaths pass and then, in a blink, Simon is shoved against the wall. He’s going to hit Baz just like old times, and he intends to pull Baz’s hair, but then the image of Baz with his soft hair being pulled and a moan leaving his mouth fills Simon’s head, and a shiver runs through him. Oh no. Baz is really close, and Simon wants to get that snarl off his face, but he wants to do that with a kiss, which doesn't really go under straight-platonic-enemy if he has to put it in a category, so Simon can’t think of anything to do that wouldn't make him question his sexuality, and Crowley, since when is Baz's mouth so inviting? Why isn't Basilton doing anything? His enemy is just standing there, holding him against the wall. Is he going to drink Simon's blood? Is this how Simon dies? 'Oh, dear, daft Simon. He could have escaped the vampire, but he was too busy freaking out about his emotions to fight, and was drained from his blood.’ Penny will probably phrase that better. There are worse ways to die though- to hold him down, Baz will have to press into Simon, and he'll have to suck on Simon's neck in order to drink, which sounds pretty great if Simon is being honest, which he isn't, he hasn't been for so long and now it's coming back to haunt him in the form of delectable villians- is it in his head, or is his enemy staring at his lips? It's definitely in his head. Good, he's going insane now, too. He has to push Baz off or something before this gets weird, but then Baz won't be close to Simon, and won't be touching him, and Simon wouldn't get to smell his Cedar and Bergamot scented skin, and Simon can't help but feel reluctant to make that happen-

And woosh, there Baz goes. Out to his date like this never happened. Job well done by the Chosen One. Really helpful, and efficient, and not freaking out about bad-boy crushes so much that he can't function. And that's what it is, isn't it? A crush that doesn't let him function.

Does that mean he has to tell Penelope?

Oh, Merlin.

 

“Well, did you start wanting to, I don't know, touch his hair?”

“Already wanted to.”

“Did you start noticing things about him? Attractive features? Specifically things people usually don't appreciate aloud?”

“Like what?”

“I think it would work best if you give the examples.”

He contemplates. “Like, his thighs are great, smells nice, and his neck is pretty… and his chest is pretty toned… and his ass o’course, can't ignore that…”

“And is it a recent phenomenon that you are unable to ignore physical elements of Baz that are inappropriate or sexual in nature?”

His cheeks heat up. “You don't have to, s-say it like that. And, well, uh, no, I guess.”

Penny speaks very slowly now. “So, what you're telling me, is that your feelings towards Baz aren't new, you're just calling them differently now that you've realised you want to… spank him?”

“He, just, I, not s-spank, just, it's…” is there a spell that could make the ground swallow him whole? Nevermind, even if he knew how to cast it, he'll probably end up burying the whole school.

She searches his face, then turns from him to lean on the tree. They're at the emptiest part of the lawn they could find, the nearest people are about twenty meters away.

“This whole time…” Pennelope whispers, seemingly to herself. Then, gradually, she starts to giggle. Then laugh. Then roar in laughter. She bursts out of control. The students twenty meters away are looking at them funny. Pennelope might not be able to breathe.

“Stop it! This isn't funny!”

When she's breathing properly again, she says: “speak for yourself. You haven't heard  _ years _ of ranting from your best friend about their so called 'sworn enemy’ only to discover that the whole inferiority complex was actually spun-around admiration. Crowley… this is all starting to make sense. How did I not see this before? I’ve-”

“Stop! Stop, stop,  _ stoooop _ . No.”

She chuckles, still a bit out of breath. “I guess all I can do now is to help you, isn't it?”

“'m not sure if there's how to help.”

“Let's start with analysing the problem. What is the problem? Or, more likely, problems?”

Simon takes a deep breath, then speaks slowly, giving his words time to gather. “I get stupid when he’s close. He's dangerous. He's my enemy. He hates me. He likes Agatha. Probably straight.”

Penny is already writing it down in her Magickal History notebook. She's using her school bag as a table. “What else?”

“Um… he goes out of Watford often, and when he's back he smells like cinnamon. Makes me wanna eat cinnamon flavoured stuff. Or, uh, him. It's a problem too.”

Her list is calmingly tidy and clean. (She always makes everything sensible, somehow.) “Anything else?”

And he wants to ask her how it could be any worse, but stops himself. Maybe she’s right. Maybe there could have been way more problems, and he should just put this matter in a tidy, analytical perspective. “Nah.” He's feeling a little better now. Calmer.

“So, let's start with the smallest issues and move on from there. Firstly, enemy- a state of being, no more. That can change.”

“Not that easy.”

“Yes, it isn't going to be. But I don't think it's quite a problem, on its own.”

“But he hates me.”

“Which is the actual problem. Now, can we take 'enemy’ off the list?”

“Um. Yeah, ok.”

Seven problems turned into six problems and a crossed-out word. “Next, cinnamon… a Baz-flavored craving... ” 

“Not funny-”

“-not really a separate problem from 'turning stupid when he's around’, right? He's distracting you, and that's only one problem.”

Six problems are reduced to five.

“'Dangerous’. As in, too dangerous for you to beat?”

Simon straightens up. “No.”

“He’s dangerous, but you're dangerous too, so I’d say that that's only another reason for you two to get together. You're both keeping the rest of the world safer.”

The list looks less frightening already.

“About 'getting stupid’, getting distracted and flustered while he's around, I don't think there's much we can do. He's your crush, that's an inevitable byproduct.”

“It's okay. Didn't expect you to fix it. I Just had to talk.”

“Good. But still, don't lose hope yet, I might be able to improve your situation. About 'likes Agatha’... Look, this isn't entirely a secret, but I’m also not sure I have a right to tell. Just don't get worked up over it, I promise there's nothing to be concerned about.”

“Who am I gonna tell 'cept my best friend?”

She smiles softly at that. “By the way, as your best friend, I’d like to say I'm proud of you for breaking up with Aggie properly. I had a bad feeling you were gonna stay in that wreck of a relationship until it fell apart completely, but looks like I had nothing to worry about.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You trying to distract me? Pen, we can't keep secrets from each  other.”

“Alright, alright. So, Agatha told me that after you two broke up, she asked Baz out. And he refused. He’d told her he's gay. But you won't spread this, right? We don't have the right to pull anybody out of the closet.”

“Of course I won't tell.” He feels a bit of a sting, but it passes quickly. Agatha did move on faster than he expected, but she's his friend, and if she's pursuing her happiness, good for her.

Wait a minute… “Simon, stop gaping, you're gonna catch flies.”

“But, he was looking at Agatha all these years! How is he gay?”

“Simon, you've only seen him look at her through the lens of Agatha's jealous boyfriend and Baz's sworn enemy. With that much bias, I don't think he  _ could _ feel what you think he feels. Which brings me to the last problem-” she points at the 'hated Simon’ bullet point- “whether he's interested in you.”

“Pfft. O'course he isn't.”

“That’s what we used to think about you. And yet I, the person who knows you best, have been fooled into thinking you hate him. Maybe he could have fooled us too?”

It sounds far fetched. But if Penny, the smartest of all smarts, couldn't read through Simon, then Simon surely could have missed something. Maybe, maybe… “How would I know?”

She spends a moment in thought. “What does he act like when you're changing clothes?”

“We d-don't, um, change clothes in front of, um each, eachother…”

“Crowley. Six years and neither of you felt lazy enough to trust the other?”

“I ah, sleep shirtless, in uh, summer, and stuff.”

“And do you notice him acting differently?”

He never actually tried to connect those dots. He wasn't really self conscious about being shirtless in the room. Not that he wasn't self conscious and defensive towards his roommate, it was just that what worried him was his lower grades, and lesser spellcasting, and lack of elegance in comparison to Baz… why does Baz have to be perfect all the fucking time? That bastard is turning everyone gay and he doesn't even care what they're-

“I'll take that as a no. So, do we have a plan?”

 

No. Because there is no way Simon can pull this off. Why did he promise Penny he would? Idiot. He even looks like an idiot, wearing gym shorts and a tank top but clearly looking like he hadn't exercised in them. And Baz is supposed to be here any minute, so there isn't any time to do so.

Maybe some other time? He could plan his day in advance that way, do some sports. Baz always looks sexy when he comes back from practice, Simon can take that information and use it to his own benefit. Yeah, that sounds smart! Very un-stupid, indeed. After coming up with such a clever idea, he should cut himself some slack, right? He should get to change out of these old, uncomfortable clothes. (They used to fit him weirdly when they were remotely his size, now they're just too small for him. But the only clothes he has that fit him properly are Watford clothes, and Baz sees him in those all the time.)

He takes off the tank top and shoves it into the back. Now he just needs to find the uniform he was wearing a few minutes ago, so that he won't be wasting two on one day.

He hears the door click open as he’s rummaging the closet. Simon sighs, and waits for the inevitable insults. And… keeps waiting.

At that point Simon realises that he's bent forwards in front of Baz, wearing only a pair of tight shorts. Crowley, just when he managed to postpone the humiliation. But Basilton doesn't say anything about lame, ugly shorts, or about Simon being such a mess he can't find his uniform in a closet full of uniform, or… well, Simon doesn't have to insult himself in Baz's place, but it's not like there's a lack of insults to throw around, and Simon honestly can't think of any time he'd ever seen Baz at a loss for words before. Simon doesn't even hear the door click closed.

He turns his head towards the door, to see Baz, impeccable as  always, standing at the door. Not entering. Just frozen at the entrance. Is he ill? No, he looks healthy, Simon knows already what Baz looks like when he's sick. And yet, he's not moving, just looking back in Simon's direction, but his glance is directed too low to see Simon's face.

And then Baz… swallows. Merlin and Morgana, is this seriously working?

After a full minute of just standing at the entrance to their room and staring at Simon's ass, Basilton seems to notice Simon looking at him, and though his expression stays emotionless, his cheeks flush. He looks away, entering the room. “What is it this time? I knew you were thick, Snow, but forgetting how to put clothes on is a whole other level.”

Pfft. Even Simon could think of a better insult than that one for this situation. Is seeing Simon in boxers really all takes to mess with his head so much? No way, Baz would have to have some immense crush on Simon for that to be the case, he's the most composed person Simon knows. And yet, he did seem to have a difficulty to tear his eyes away from Simon...

Hope sparks in Simon's heart.

“Will you put clothes on already? This isn't a strip club.”

Simon turns to face him, putting on a flirty smile. “ ‘course. If this was, you would've gotten a lap dance by now,” he says with a wink.

Apparently Baz doesn't notice how utterly lame that was, because he blushes bright red. Crowley, how adorable. “I'm going to shower. Have fun stripping.” He somehow manages to turn redder. Simon Snow is absolutely giddy.

 

The next Wednesday, after his extra tutoring in Magick Words (Penny and Baz are free on that hour every week since they're way ahead of the class anyway), Simon goes straight to the lawn to tell Penny how well the seduction went. But when he nears their meeting spot, he sees that she's talking to somebody. Curly, average height, and a face pretty similar to Simon's. Really, a lot pretty similar to Simon's. He'd get excited over having a lookalike, but the stranger doesn't have freckles, and now that he's close enough to see the guy clearly, he sees quite a few differences.

“Good thing you're here, Simon. Change of plans. We're walking this poor soul to his car.”

“Thank you so much. This place is so big, it would've taken me hours to find my way out.”

“How'd you get in?” Simon asked. “You don't look- I mean, you're not wearing the school uniform.”

“My date brought me here.” The stranger rubs the back of his head bashfully. The combination of the Simon-like mannerism and the Simon-like looks made for a strange sight, like a video of yourself you hadn't been aware was taken. “He probably would've walked me out, but I was too embarrassed to admit I hadn't understood his instructions, and I said I could find the way out myself, so…” yet, though clearly embarrassed, he wasn't messing up his words. The feeling of eerie similarity faded.

They start walking towards the bridge over the moat. Then Penny adds, “it's understandable that you didn't want to appear stupid in front of your date, but I don't think this kind of pretence is a good start to a relationship.”

“I don't think me and him are going to have a relationship.”

“What do you mean?” Simon asks. Was this guy already rejected or something?

“Heh, well… he and I aren't quite serious about each other. I'm happy for the chance to make out with a guy that hot, even if he's a bit crazy, but I haven't signed up for any more than that. And I get the feeling he doesn't like me too much either, since we ended up roleplaying every-”

“Stop. That's enough, thank you.”

The rest of the way they talk about the weather, about sports, and about the “weird alligators” (the name the stranger had given the merwolves and the two of them just rolled with). Simon decides he kinda likes the guy, other than the fact that he was calling the person he was dating a crazy person. He smells strongly of wet wipes, and Simon really doesn't want to figure out why, so he pushes it out of his mind.

On the way back, Simon tells Penelope all about his recent success. Her grin nearly reached her ears. Simon goes up the stairs of Mummer's House with a pep in his step.

But, when he opens the door, he is hit with an overpowering smell of cinnamon, and the telltale scent of wet wipes. Baz is nowhere to be seen.

 

For the next six days, Simon tries his damnedest not to connect the dots. Maybe he'd only imagined he was smelling wipes in the room. Maybe Baz and the Normal guy just use the same brand of wet wipes. Maybe there are other super hot gay guys in Watford, and Simon just didn't know them.

Even if Baz was hooking up with that undeserving scum- no, no, Simon is not going to think about that. Cinnamon surely has nothing to do with kinky roleplay, Baz has simply taken up baking. (Baz would look adorable while baking. The mental image of Baz in an apron and mittens is probably the cutest thing his mind has ever come up with.)

But on the seventh day, he comes back from his extra tutoring, and the room smells of cinnamon and wet wipes.

Why did Simon even think he had a chance? Because Baz stared at his ass one time? Because a friend of his told him to give Baz the benefit of the doubt?

Or maybe, because even though they were enemies all those years, deep down he believed they knew each other so well that they shared some connection?

He doesn't even have a right to be mad. It's not like he's been cheated on- his bubble was simply burst. And even if the heartache overwhelms him, the only thing left for him to do now is to try not to go off.

 

He does that by taking out his frustrations, with a sword, on the forest trees. For the whole week. Every day, until the gate closes. When he comes back, he doesn't even look at Baz, just goes straight to sleep.

 

Wednesday comes around, no matter how Simon dreaded it. He tries to keep it together until the end of the day, but on the Magick Words tutoring, he goes out of his mind. While he's in class, in his own room,  _ his _ Baz is being touched by  _ somebody else- _

Aaaaaaaand the book in front of him explodes. (A pretty spectacular explosion, too. Bits of it stuck to the walls for a moment before falling down gracefully, like feathers. Even the hard covers turned into confetti.) Miss Possibelf sent him to his room, to calm down. So now Simon has to choose- will he act maturely and go practice sword instead of messing with somebody else's romantic life, or will he ruin Baz's date?

Ruin Baz's date, of course.

This is Baz's fault, anyway. If he hadn't brought some Normal to make out with him in their  _ shared room _ , Simon wouldn't have had anything to walk in on. He decides to take a sweater, even though he's hot, just to have something to take. He'll walk in, leave the door open, take his sweet time choosing a Watford sweater, and walk out, all while ignoring them and their protest. Pricks.

As he nears the door, he hears fragments of a conversation.

“... don't know how to make it more believable. I never mumble.”

“Yes, I've noticed. And let me be clear, if you have to speak coherently, I'll prefer you won't talk.”

“But what is it with mumbling? Why do you-”

Simon kicks the door open and walks a few steps in, prepared to be a complete asshole.

And abruptly stops, when he sees Baz holding Simon against the wall. Simon Snow is frozen in the middle of the room, staring at Simon Snow, frozen with his back to the wall, staring back. “What- how- is this- wh-what, why-” Simon stumbles over the sheer amount of questions racing out of his mouth.

“Oh… so this is why you like mumbling so much…” the voice struck Simon as the voice of his almost-look-alike from two weeks ago. “Geez, I should've realized the moment I saw him what this was about.” And then, the penny dropped- he wasn't freckled as if there was cinnamon sprinkled all over him, he was sprinkled with cinnamon all over as if he was freckled. He has a mole on his neck, and multiple more on his bare chest, the same moles Simon was used to seeing when looking in the mirror. Simon spotted a brown body-paint pen on the table, like the one they use in kids’ birthdays, which was probably how the freakishly-well-placed moles were added.

Simon's replica was looking extremely awkward. Baz looked like he would rather be buried alive then be where he is now.

“...Anyways, I think this this thing between us should be over-”

“I'll walk you out!” Baz said way too quickly.

“There's no need, I already know the-”

“I’m walking you out.”

Baz pulls the guy towards the door by his elbow. Simon notices a dot on the back of the guy's shoulder. Does he even have a mole there? Merlin and Morgana. As soon as the door closes behind them, Simon hears footsteps shifting into a run, presumably Baz's.

What. Just happened.

He takes off his shirt, and looks in the mirror. The placing of the moles on his replica had been uncanny. He turns his back to the mirror, and stretches his neck as hard as possible, to see the back of his shoulder.

And there it is. What the actual fuck? How does Baz know his moles better than he does? How much has he been staring to memorize them? How long did Baz have to look for a guy who looks like Simon and is also gay and willing to act out Baz's sexual fantasies?

Crowley, he must be obsessed. Or insane.

(Simon doesn't think he can stop smiling if he tried.)

That makes the two of them.

 

That night, he casts “wide awake” on himself, even though he probably wouldn't be able to sleep for a week. He fakes sleep for hours, only taking a break to occasionally look at a clock. With Baz's vampire speed and strength there's no way Simon could catch him the straightforward way, so he has to be sneaky. Now, the Baz Simon knows wouldn't sleep on grass and dirt, and wouldn't admit the embarrassing situation to his minions. He'd have some kind of spell to make Simon sleep through anything, and avoid Simon by waking up before him. So Simon has to keep pretending until Baz comes in, and trap him, in order to make him listen.

Sure enough, not long after 3:30 am, Baz steps in very very quietly. Overdoing it a bit with the hour, in Simon's opinion, but he guesses if he were caught roleplaying his sexual fantasies about a person by that same person, he'd try to avoid said person as effectively as possible. Simon remains in the fetus position he’d set himself in, waiting until Baz is deeper inside the room than he is.

He then lunges on the door to lock it.

“Oh, Crowley-”

Before Baz could finish the sentence, Simon pushes him against the wall by his shoulders, leans in slowly enough for Baz to turn his head away if he wanted to, and kisses him.

Baz's lips are soft, and just the best side of cold. Smells of Cedar, Bergamot, and a bit of Cinnamon, fill Simon's senses. Oh wow. He wants more, much more-

Wait. He had a plan. What are thoughts again?

He pulls back. “I, I, ah, w-want you.” Ah, yes- he knew Baz would hit him strongly enough to get away if he started talking, and then run faster than he could catch him, so he had to first give him a reason to listen and then try to find his words. So he tries to find an eloquent way to say that he's just as obsessed with Baz as Baz is with him, and that if sabotaging his date and staying up until 3:30 am to catch him isn't enough proof then constantly talking about him and following him around for a whole year should be. He tries to think of some way to say that he’d much prefer pleasuring Baz than sexualy frustrating him to the point of creating a Simon duplicate and roleplaying his fantasies in the room where they should occur. He wants to know how to ask Baz to be his in a way that will make Baz say yes.

But first, he kisses him again, damnit. And he pulls back and makes Baz reach for him, because even though he knows for a fact Baz is literally obsessed with him, he still needs to  _ see _ that Baz wants this to keep happening. And he does. Gosh, he could do this until his lips fall off. Can that even happen? Would it ruin the moment if he asked? Ugh, his three am thoughts are ruining his much-anticipated make out. He has to make sure he gets to have another one tomorrow.

He pulls back. Baz follows. He puts his hands on Baz's chest to push him back, and, why was he pushing him back? To move to Baz's chest, was it? Wait, no, he'd wanted to talk to Baz. Right. Yeah.

“I want this.”

“What's this, Snow?”

“I want to be your boyfriend.” And then, because Baz deserves a warning, “your terrible boyfriend.” there, now he has said all he had to say. Now can he go back to kissing Baz?

No, he still has to wait for an answer, Simon's remaining brain cell replies.

Baz is looking at him like he may never figure out what's wrong with him. But the hour had its effects on him too, and it seems that he was less guarded then, because the only fight he put up was: “You're not allowed to dump me. Not until the end of school, anyway.”

“Deal.”

“Now kiss me.”

Eventually, somewhen tonight, Baz will have to figure out how to undo the spell Simon put on himself. They are also going to have to deal with telling Penny. And  _ Agatha _ . But those are future problems, waiting for future Simon and Baz. 

In the present, all is good.

**Author's Note:**

> I once read a line in "Take On Me" by BasicBathsheba (it's absolutely excellent and I highly recommend it) that said Simon looked like he had cinnamon sprinkled all over him because of his pretty freckles, and I just thought, "lol, what if it wasn't freckles, but actual cinnamon" and then it came to why, and how, and when... long story short the only way to get that stupid idea out of my mind was to write it out, and the way I thought would maximize the ridiculousness would be seeing it through Simon's eyes as a surprise, like the spiderman meme where they're pointing at each other.


End file.
